All fields of endeavor offer the opportunity to pursue a life of indolence and pleasure while you're still ostensibly and productively on the job. Nowhere are the prospects for a dignified, well-paid faux retirement more abundant, however, than in the world inhabited by the readership of this publication. Let's look at a few between lunch and our afternoon nap.

Auction from the beach

The digital realm, while conferring upon us new forms of carpal tunnel syndrome, has also produced the capability to be nowhere at all while appearing to be quite somewhere. Since most work done by publishers is sporadic at best, the field lends itself to vast potential. An active auction need not be an exercise in frustration and la nausée endured from the confines of one's office. As long as there's a cellphone tower in sight, you may hawk up your lung, existentially speaking, from any location in the world. My, doesn't that sand feel good between your toes while you're offering Britney that extra million?

Editing from home

Who doesn't need to? Losers! Same goes for your “reading day.” On such occasions, you may even unplug yourself altogether. Great minds need contemplation, especially in our intellectually demanding sphere.

The Guadalajara Book Fair

You really have to go, don't you? Diego Ortega Ribollito del Guano will be there to offer six pages of his new magnum opus to the cosmos. There will also be a number of fiestas at which the great and the near great will be exchanging mojo. You snooze, you lose. Unless, of course, you're copping some zzzs and mojitos on the patio with your next bestselling author.

Retired people are on a fixed income...

...and so are you. They call it an expense account, but... ha! The good news is that everybody knows your plastic stinks. You're in publishing, not in some field where revenue is evanescent and the idea of operating profit makes people chuckle, like the Internet. At check time, simply excuse yourself and repair to the rest room, like any other opportunistically incontinent pensioner. When you return to the table, you may express regret and shock that the tab has been handled. Another freebee!

Call Bob

He's your assistant, dogsbody, amanuensis, better half, vice president of working while you're, you know, managing. It's called delegating. Entire books have been written about it. In fact, I've written quite a few good ones myself. Go buy a couple and read them while Bob is working. That's what they pay you both for (in varying amounts).

Summer hours

If it's Thursday, it's almost Friday. If it's Monday, it's still sort of Sunday. If it's 4 p.m., shouldn't it be tomorrow already?

If you must work, have you thought of a sequel?

Hollywood does it and makes billions. So can we. We can continue to visit people in heaven and drink 100 flavors of chicken soup with people who will be happy to discuss the Secret with YOU.

Party all the time

Is there ever a bad reason to have a fete? Or one at which you wouldn't spend at least, what, 10 minutes? The good news is that authors are generally starved for attention and deluded into thinking that the publication of their book is an event of some sort. They usually crave a party so badly that many will agree to pay for it themselves. This leaves your budget clear and your calendar stuffed with free drinks and an assortment of neat canapés.

Invent new economic models

Face it: the economy is horrible. That doesn't mean we don't want to continue to play the game. Creative thinkers are now coming up with ways to, say, publish books in batches of six, or in some cases even getting writers to produce books for free in exchange for promises of a nice back end... which is probably where they'll end up taking it, right?

But come on. The world is your oyster. Have a dozen. It's on me. Unless I get somebody else to pick it up, of course.

Author Information
Collins published Stanley Bing's book Executricks: Or How to Retire While You're Still Working last week.