Soapbox: When You Can't Just Say 'No'

I've had an eventful life and have been paid to do a lot of things. But never did I imagine a job like the one I have now. I read. Everywhere. Anytime. Anything and everything. So much random information flows in my veins that I am everyone's favorite cocktail party guest. And still, all I really want to do after all these years of reading is stay home, pet my cats, eat Junior Mints and read some more.

But go to the office I must. There, as a word worker, I became truly intimate with the word “no.” I was a publicity director for a decade, releasing “no” like an automatic pitching machine. I said the word quite often, usually about 235 times a day. “No private plane.” “No, cocaine is not a billable expense, even if you do get sleepy on book tour.” “No Dancing with the Stars.” “No color consultant.” “No book tours in the Caribbean.” “No wives.” “No girlfriends.” “No limo.” “No Oprah.”

Then I became an editor and never ever said the word “no” again. Of course, I say it all day long; I just use more words, none of them “no.”

I say things like, “Well, I was halfway through this proposal and my limbs began to tingle. My jaw went slack and the Skittles popped out of my mouth and rolled across the paper. I was paralyzed.... Er, no, It's not Lyme disease. It's... it's... it's... it's this writing.”

Or, “You know this is the plot of Anna Karenina, don't you?”

Or, “The donkey in literature? Let me transfer your call to Sarah McGrath. She's knows much more about fancy writing than I do.”

Or, “Really? This dude crossed the Pole, invented analgesia and had a secret affair with his wife's twin sister? Do you find Bob Smith: The Sled, the Sneeze and the Forbidden Sister a compelling title? Oh, I am just a dolt! I don't get it! I am so not the right editor for this.”

Because “I am not the right editor for this” is the only real way I can say “no” to someone else's words. Their words are right for them, and, more often than not, right for another publisher and a whole bunch of readers. I am not a book critic, comparing new published works to all the published works that came before them. All I can do is figure out if I can make whatever I am reading a viable, money-making venture for the company I work for at that particular moment. Sometimes I get it right; sometimes I don't.

I also believe that, as an editor, I really shouldn't be flinging negatives at human beings who are trying to create something. Part of my job is to assist and encourage anyone who wants to write. The more the merrier. A lot of writing might lead to more good writing, and that we all love.

As an editor, I do have an exception to the full-frontal “no.” If I get a one-page proposal, I immediately think, “Oh, you are so famous that you don't think we need some words for this book? A beginning, middle and end?” My job is to edit and publish books, so show me what the book is. For everyone else, I give reasons for the declination and sometimes, a request to see the material again. While I do consider my job as making money for my employer, we are lucky to work in book publishing, because there is also a wonderful subtext to all our work: helping writers write.

I've had only one exception in my time as an editor, only one instance where I used “the word” directly. An agent submitted a thick proposal from a British sex researcher. The author proposed a deep exploration of sexual fantasies throughout the United Kingdom, illuminating the secret, exciting emotional lives of ordinary citizens. Well, I found nothing ordinary about a fantasy that included the couch, a crucifix and a member of the immediate family. There was only one word for that. “No!”