In Inspiration Porn, the star and writer of the Netflix series Special reflects on navigating Hollywood as a gay man with cerebral palsy.
How do you reclaim the term “inspiration porn” in this book?
The book started with me writing the essay “The Slut Diaries” in 2021 just as a way to figure out how I felt about getting railed. I had this feeling of, wow I can’t believe I’m allowing myself to have these experiences. I’ve always felt very siloed from the world of intimacy and sex. I never thought in my life I would have a slut era. Then zooming out from that, I was like, Wow, I’ve actually accomplished a lot of things I never thought I would. I never was supposed to act. I never expected to be a showrunner. If someone wanted me to be inspiration porn at this point, I’d be like, Honey, have at it.
How did being called “brave” for acting in sex scenes in Special impact you?
Nobody wants to be called brave for getting naked on TV. They wouldn’t be saying that to Blake Lively or Chris Hemsworth. It made me, in a diseased, gay-guy way, be like, I want to make my body so fucking palatable, and I want it to conform to such basic body standards that you would never, ever see me naked and do a slow clap. I’m not saying that’s the correct response, but that’s how it felt. But I’m glad I did the show. It is important to see bodies that look different on TV.
What’s changed about your relationship with self-worth and productivity in recent years?
The writers’ strike was deeply hurtful, but the one silver lining to that horrible time was it allowed me to understand that so much of my value and self-worth was tied up in what I did for a living. I think as a disabled person there is this need to always defy the odds. It’s exhausting. It really did feel like productivity was my drug. For a few years, I was very much in the Hollywood machine. Having that distance and also having my ego take a beating from being so booked and busy to all of a sudden there being a relative period of quiet was really helpful.
What do you hope people take away from this book?
It’s going to sound so corny, but I really do hope that people read this and it inspires them to become a little bit more delusional and a little bit braver in terms of going after what they actually want. With everything that I make, I want you to be LOLing, but I also want you to be secretly learning things.
